Recently my dreams have included Mom. Not the Mom of the last 20 years or so who has slowly slid into Alzheimer. This summer when we visited her in the nursing home, there was no connection. Not even with music. She glared and then retreated into some inner world.
My dreams have her when she was able. This latest dream has her spotting cows in a pasture for Steve. Dreams seldom make sense that way, but she was walking through high weeds. I was taking the easy way with a dirt trail, but she was able to go anywhere.
This summer Steve and Scott were discussing what they remembered about Mom. Scott mostly remembered the beginning of the ‘slide’. The cooking errors, the confusion, the depression. He was too young to remember anything else. Steve, being a little older, didn’t remember JUST the worst.
Where does the mind go? Do those in nursing homes dream? They spend a lot of time sleeping and being inward. Do they still have dreams?
My Grandmother slid herself into a nursing home. She was always a a little crazy. Mom said that if she ever got that way she hoped that someone would just shoot her. We don’t shoot, we hope. Hope they’re still there, comfortable, will recognize us.
I hope I don’t make the slide. It seems inevitable because it’s in the genes from Grandmother to Mother. I have arthritis. Knees, toes, hips. The eyesight gets more powerful lenses to correct. I would go mad if I became blind. I learned that after the Disney Drew Carey sit in total darkness for 7 minutes experience. The hearing not quite as sharp. But the brain I work on the most. Sudoku, Brain Age (got a 22 once), Big Brain Academy (best I can do is B-) , the Set game day puzzle where my goal is to solve under 3 minutes, Chuzzle, Bejeweled, Noah’s Ark.
I still have my dreams. Today I lost my front tooth. Heard it snap off and had it in my hand. I tried to immediately remember the sub-finder phone number because I wasn’t going into school! When I looked in the mirror it looked OK…..I woke up and immediately felt my teeth with my tongue. Whew! I still have my dreams.
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2 comments:
Mackenzie has a loose tooth...for real.
This is beautifully written and evidence you're not nearly on the same path. Dad is still sharp at 93, and his folks were also sharp in older years. You have their genes also. Warm, sensitive, and well written. --nbk
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